An issue we have around our house is riding the bus.
Sometimes we can drive them, when we can't...they ride the bus.
Three days a week, Caleb stays after school for football, Emma rides home alone.
Every once and a while...this weighs on her, not because she is so incredibly close to her brother, but because he is a known, loved face.
Just the presence of one she knows so well, although they don't feel "close" to one another, brings comfort.
As I was thinking of how well I could relate to that feeling, I was immediately taken to our multiple hospital stays with our babies. Fighting the fear of the situation, the lack of control over what was happening to our children...the cold, sterile environment...the lack of a familiar face. Many of our hospitalizations were in Indianapolis...but, more than a couple of handfuls were here in town. I remember feeling so isolated...cut off from all that is "normal" and feeling like we were fighting a private war. If people did send texts or e-mails saying "let me know if you need anything" it nearly cut like a dagger.
I just need your face.
That doesn't sound like enough...it's inconvenient, you might feel uncomfortable in an environment of sick children and heart broken parents, no one enjoys coming to the hospital, I probably won't have much to say. Honestly though...all I really "needed" was your presence.
My mind then goes to Grace's open heart surgery...March 12, 2009...terrifying.
As we sit in the pre-op area...our baby with her paci and pink bows...heart physically broken and too big to work properly anymore, we hold her tightly for the last few minutes. We are preparing to hand over our daughter...to have her chest cut and split down the middle, so that they could literally hold her heart in their hands and attempt to make it better.
So that when we had to see this afterward...
Don't worry about what to say...or how to react...just be there.
My situations have been medical, but you can "show up" for someone...anywhere.
It's called doing life together.
I encourage you to get in the game...share yourself, you're a gift. :0)
2 comments:
Such wise words, Amber. You've really made me think. I'm one of those people who always worries that I'll be in the way, or that I'm overstepping my boundaries by being too forward. But you're absolutely right about being there in times of need.
How my heart aches as I read these words. So beautifully written and oh so accurate! I have had what ten brain-related surgeries now in less than five years, plus a few others. Multiple times I was alone - no friends, no family, etc. I was so scared. I, too, got texts and phone calls and emails. I use to think...if I don't make it through this I cannot very well contact you. I desperately wanted support but did not feel I could always ask friends to be there for me. In fact, many friends left my life during that time. If I was not initiating contact, contact stopped. Some stayed, however. I am not sure where I am going with all this......your post just really resounded with me and my heart and soul. Your words hit so close to something that I still struggle with, even post-operatively. This is why I try to go out of my way to be there for those in my life because I know what it is like to be alone, particularly in the hospital. We have a responsibility to be there for those we love, even if not blood related. I did not need flowers, or random goodies. Physical presence, a hand to hold, a listening ear....prayers and physical support. No words in return, just love.
Thank you for sharing your thought-provoking words. Continuing to send love and support your way. I am glad that you are blogging again!! :-D
With love,
~Amber
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