filling you in...

As I look over my blog I can't BELIEVE that Easter is still showing up.
That means my blogging has been...lacking!

I had planned on posting some yummy photos of my babe today...but the island internet is sketchy.
Instead...I will fill you in on the week leading up to our departure.
I've gone back and forth on sharing it...as none of it is pressing in on me right now.
So...I feel like this is more of an informative post...we are in paradise right now...but reality awaits us.

And that "reality" looks like this:
I will preface what is to come with...we had house guests for 10 days leading up to our departure and Michael came down with a bug and was out of commission for 6 days before leaving...which put all the responsibilities on my shoulders.
Here we go...
Grace and Jacob got sick while our guests were here. The doctor that usually sees them was out of the country for 3 weeks. *she didn't return until we were on vacation* Our Pediatrician is quite honestly a formality...and refuses to treat them until the 10 day-2 week ruling out viral mark. *this is SUPER difficult for this momma of compromised babies* So...I waited, I waited 14 days before requesting that they be seen. They were seen Monday *we left town the following Friday*...the Saturday before they were seen, Grace had another "episode". Like ones she had last December & January...the ones they thought were seizures...when she had the EEG that looked "normal for her"...the EEG that brought peace to my heart knowing there was NO evidence of seizure activity.
This time was the scariest.
She was SO pale...ZERO color in her lips....unable to respond to us...her eyes were doing funny things and in the end she was EXHAUSTED....sleeping for nearly 5 hours. We recorded part of it, as we were so unsure what to do for her. First thing Monday, I called her Neurologist to let them know what we had seen...sure enough, they are 99.9% that it was a seizure. They comforted us by assuring me we had done the right thing. *laying her down on her side...letting her sleep it off* I had so many questions *that didn't have many answers* and in the end he said that being ill lowers your threshold for this type of activity. We have an appointment with them immediately following our return home.
Soooo...I get my little ones in to the Peds on Monday afternoon *explaining all of the above and the length of time this upper respiratory thing has been going on*...hauling them both in by myself..Jacob burning up with a fever having to be held CONSTANTLY, and Grace with a cough that would NOT go away. I explained that I wasn't comfortable being so far from home...for 2weeks...without a plan or treatment. He proceeded to play with Grace...inking up her arm with princess stamps and turned to me saying..."it's viral, call me if they aren't better by next week". I calmly replied "we won't be in town next week...it's been nearly 3 weeks of this, I would like them treated before leaving...that's why I took 3 hrs out of my afternoon to trek them in here alone." To which he coldly replied..."feel free to call in Friday." *the day we leave*
I literally left his office crying.
I was tired...no one was sleeping...they were whiny and clingy during the day.
I hadn't packed ONE item yet.
My husband was completely off the radar.
My kids were finishing their last week of school.
I had an IEP for Grace, Pre-K graduation, vacation shopping...I left feeling defeated and overwhelmed.
We called the very next morning and against the doctors judgement...he called in antibiotics.
*THANK GOODNESS*
We ended up calling the doctor who normally treats...after arriving in NC and she was able to call in steroids for all the hacking children with crumby lungs...and the house is quiet again. :0) *super thankful!*

If you are still reading...we have seizure activity, a sick family, packing and planning alone.
Now for the finale. ;0)
The cherry on top was on the next day.
I received a call from MY doctor. *the one concerning the suspicious lump*
This did NOT alarm me because they said that they would call regardless of the results.
The first minute of the conversation went just as I expected...until.
The nurse explained that my doctor had looked over the results and the images.
She said that the results were a reflection of the fact that my tissue is very dense and they can't see much.
They can't see the shape or size.
I've been referred to a surgeon.
They wanted me to go before vacation.
I agreed to go the week after we get home.
I have processed it now.
That's where we are.
That's what we return to.
Neurology and Oncology surgeon.
That's our reality.
Not today though...today our reality is...
blue skies, sand, sunrise and sunsets over the water, ocean waves, ghost crabs, and light houses.
For one more week at least.
And we are beyond grateful.