Go Colts!

Nuff said. ;0)

Twilight and Jesus?...

I am the mother of a pre-teen girl...who LOVES to read.
I should have known, it would not be long before she was longing to read Twilight.

I was mortified by this thought at first.
I decided to educate myself on it a bit...before jumping off the cliff of "never". :0)
I shared my concerns with Emma...what are Vampires? how does that fit in with our belief system? romance...unrealistic expectations of "love"...how that can influence dating. ect...

All the good "mom" talks out of the way...she is free to read *devour* the books.
We decide also...to watch the movies.
I'm hooked.
Unwillingly, I find myself drawn to the Cullen's. Desiring to be Bella. Longing to be loved and pursued...as she is. Frankly, it began to consume my thoughts at bit. *not uncommon for this wounded heart of mine* I wanted to be them. I wanted to belong to their family, I wanted to feel irresistible, I wanted to be protected and fought for.
Then it hit me....
I am.
WE are.
His name is Jesus.
He is passionately in love with us. He desires nothing more than our time and energy. He loved us so much that he was willingly...brutally murdered on our behalf.
Wow.
It doesn't get much more romantic than that! Right?
I mean...He pursues us every day.
In return...He should be like life its self to us.
Like we can't be apart from Him. *as with Bella and Edward* Oh to feel the physical pain that they experience...when we step away from Him.
This week has been like none other for me.
Thanking Him for the love affair that He has for me.
Begging for forgiveness in the way I flippantly treat that love.
Laying it down and picking it up...out of convenience or need.

As I feel He ordains my life....I "happen" to be reading "Completely His" which is right in line with this message. I am embracing the love that He offers me continuously. Even when I am unfaithful and unworthy. He is there...offering it again and again.

Thank you...Edward and Bella...for leading me back to the One who knows me inside and out....ugly and blemished but loves me anyway! It just does not get any better than this.

My study...

So it's 6 am...I've just returned from my sleep study.

I'm showered and sipping on yummy coffee. :0) *ahhhh*

I feel the need to share last nights experience with you.

It was 6 years ago...that this young *at the time ;0)* mother was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea. On a scale of mild to severe...I was moderate. The treatment for obstructive apnea is a CPAP. I'm actually quite amazed I was even diagnosed with this as I am NOT the "typical" presentation. For years I had walked around in a haze of what felt like sleep deprivation. Everyone assumed I was just a tired mom...chasing after 3 little ones and working outside the home. I had all kinds of blood work done...all normal. As a last resort, I was referred to a Pulmonologist for a sleep study. Both my family doc and the Pul. said that typically women my age who had sleep apnea were 1.) Obese or 2.) had underlying conditions. Neither of which applied to me.

Needless to say, both were shocked when they saw that multiple times an hour....I would stop breathing. Upon studying the results...it was determined that my internal anatomy is small and tends to close off when I'm extremely relaxed. *ie: sleeping :0)* I was told that I would require a CPAP for the rest of my life.

Nice.

I was not even 30 years old and you are telling me that I have to strap this on my face for the remainder of my life!?

Fast forward to now. I went to an ENT and asked him to cut out or shave off anything inside of me, that would allow me to sleep safely without the use of this device. After a physical exam he explained that it just wouldn't be possible. He said he could remove some things...but I would have less than a 50% chance of it preventing the apnea. Not worth it. So he asked me to do another sleep study to see if we could adjust the settings and see about getting a smaller device if needed...basically to reassess and talk about options.

I enter the sleep clinic last night and the nurse explains that since I've already been diagnosed, my study is a bit different. They would allow me to begin the study off CPAP, but at a certain point...they would be waking me up to put me on. *I was seriously disappointed* I was all...well I'm hoping I don't need it anymore. To which she chuckled and said...yeah, it doesn't work that way. Unless you are severely over weight and lose significant amounts...sleep apnea doesn't just go away. Then she asks if I have had any changes since my last study....um yeah...I'm 10 pounds HEAVIER. She smiled...tucked me in...and said I'll see you soon. *Debbie downer!*

So, I laid there...attempting to stay on my back...in the most UNNATURAL sleep situation...wired for sound...asking God for a miracle. I reminded Him that I knew He could do anything...if He chooses to. I asked Him for a "good" test *meaning, I would sleep* and also for the lack of needing that dog gone CPAP.

I'm here to tell ya people...I did NOT NEED that CPAP last night! She came in this morning and said...looks like you avoided it. She had all kinds of questions...because well you know...this doesn't just "go away". To which I replied...I prayed for this! I totally believe that God could heal me of this! She quickly said...you had mild episodes...but not enough for me to intervene. She also said...your doctor will look at this more in depth, don't get too excited.

Guess what...I AM excited!

I don't know what the doctor is going to see...I do know, there is no earthly explanation as to why I would go from moderate to even mild.

I'm stoked. I didn't even feel that surprised this morning...it was one of those moments where I expected Him work...so when I saw His fingerprints...it was just confirmation.

Are you looking? Do you see Him all over your life? I hope you do...I pray for it. I long for each and every one of you to have an absolute love relationship with the One who formed you from nothing.

There's more...

So I said LOTS going on...right?

I wish I had the ability to go "deeper" on some of this...but it's sort of a purge at this point.
Here's what else is happenin'...
1.) Caleb and Emma are going to attend public school next year. *if you "know" me, this is HUGE* Orientation for both grades are this week. Have I mentioned that Caleb will be a Freshman next year? "Aren't we too young for this?" is what I asked Michael last night. Apparently not. :0/
2.) My baby had his first birthday!!!!! *ahhhh* I've been completely emotional over this milestone. I have thought of his birth mom continuously,*her birthday is the day after his* knowing that as we celebrate him...she is grieving such loss.
3.) Everyday I look at all of my children and pray that I'm taking it all in. Attempt to be so very intentional with every word and action...as they form into these amazing people. Knowing I fall short, they are all so forgiving.
4.) I'm preparing for my own sleep study. *blah* I was diagnosed with sleep apnea...mmmm...5 years ago. I am not the "typical" presentation, apparently I have small internal anatomy. *too bad it's not external!* Either way...I no longer wear my C-pap because...well...I don't want to. As my kids have been learning *from Discovery Health, thankyouverymuch* that this is considered a "silent killer" disease, *awesome* and have been begging me to wear it...I agreed to a new sleep study. *you know, just in case my airway has grown ;0)* If you've never had a sleep study, *this will be my third* they are not the best nights sleep you will ever get.
5.) I am constantly battling having such high expectations of myself and trying to figure out where that comes from. *fyi...I have learned through therapy perfectionism is not healthy or productive*
~I'll share with you quickly...I don't have a portable calendar. Can you believe it? I know...5 kids, tons of docs, sports, therapies, school junk, *now Grace AND Caleb & Emma* Quiz team, piano lessons, youth group, youth activities, birthdays, play dates, ect...yeah, I NEED something...and quick!
Also...btw, high school is NOT like it used to be! It's like...college. Seriously. I felt overwhelmed just touring and collecting all the paperwork. Nothing about it is like it was...20 years ago. *gag that I can say that!* The lunch room is like a food court....Chinese, Mexican, Italian, subs, ect....seriously, you have 6 "restaurants" to choose from! Dude, we had the lunch line or A la carte. *which was a big deal! that's how ALL the cool kids ate* We were able to connect with the football coaches and get all that good info, training begins in JUNE. *I am seriously going to have to multiply myself this summer!* Do I have any volunteers to come live with us for the summer???? Any takers? ;0)
I can't think about it anymore right now...I have only slept 4 hours, my mind is ALL over the place.
I need to focus on today...it holds plenty for me to think about!

I am SO grateful for this outlet!

LOTS going on...

We had our mid-winter finals for Bible Quiz.
I had the pleasure of attending with Caleb and Emma...it was a great experience! Of course...we watched the Colts win the game that sends them into the Super Bowl!!

Emma got braces! Oh my goodness...they are growing too fast. :0(

Miss Grace has had a rough week since seeing the Cardiologist. Her teacher even called us from school last week, greatly concerned over the amount of grunting she was doing during speech therapy. *I think that they noticed it more because she was still* Everything peaked this weekend and we called them today. Which led to picking this up...

I have to tell you how impressive this technology is! So, these electrodes are placed on her chest and belly...the black oval piece records the electrical activity of her heart...through Blue Tooth technology...a complex "cell phone" holds the arrhythmia's, or "concerning activity". I am amazed by this! The only deal is, she has to keep the phone within 10 feet of her at all times. We have to change the batteries every 3 days *for 30 days* and charge the phone each night.

Awesome.

We are grateful for this opportunity and pray that valuable information is obtained. :0)

**to clarify...or fyi...Grace has had 24 hr holter monitors in the past. This 30 day one is a first and the device is very different. This could be one of those..."you know your a parent of a special needs child when...medical equipment excites you"...maybe ;0)**

babies...

Babies, babies...everywhere! Babies have been Grace's favorite toy for...well over a year now.They are sometimes in appropriate places...and sometimes not.These are common scenes around the house. :0)Yes, we have trached babies as well.My favorite find however was this one....this poor baby is in...time out! Yep, that's Grace's time out chair. :0)

I have to admit though...my favorite baby to see her with is...this one.This was MY favorite baby when I was little.
She has sat on a shelf for many years...waiting to be loved on again. :0)

Awards...

A while back...my fabulous friend Sheri gave me this award...thank you Sheri!*Now for the fine print*

The Happy 101 Blog Award Rules are as follows: List 10 things that make you happy, try to do at least one of them today, and tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day. For those 10 bloggers who get the award, you then link back to my blog and create your list of things that make you happy.

1. Coffee

2. Date night

3. Sunshine

4. Well babies

5. A clean house

6. Knowing I'm saved by grace

7. Memories of Africa

8. Snuggling with hubby

9. Blogging *most of the time*

10. Taking care of my family

Now *only*10 of you that make me happy . . . Hmmmm.

Megan at Elijah Daniel

Princess at The Bernard Bunch

Lynnette at Dancing Barefoot

Kathy at Roller's in Vegas

Heather at Team Carter

Anne at Eliza Grace

Tina at Neveah Kaylene

Candace at Living with Faith

Terra at The Chez Family

Victoria at Moments with Moriah

phew...I made it! That took a lot of energy!!

On to the next one....

This lovely award came from Becca. She has about the most beautiful daughter I've ever laid eyes on! Thank you Becca!

Okay, so here are the official rules to accepting the Kreativ Blogger award:

1) Thank the person giving the award -

2) Copy the award to your blog -

3) Place a link to their blog -

4) Name 7 things people don’t know about you -

5) Nominate 7 bloggers -

6) Place a link to those bloggers -

7) Leave a comment letting those bloggers know about the award -

Seven things you may not know about me....hmmmmm, let's see

1.) My mom used to call me the "professional job getter*. I actually remember the first job I didn't get...I've never sat down and listed them all out but I have worked just about everywhere. *before becoming a nurse of course ;0)*

2.) I have sat with more than one person...as they took their final breath in this world. It is a life changing event...you live your life differently after that. *I thought I wanted to do hospice, as one of them was before I finished nursing school*

3.) I am TERRIFIED of spiders. *ew!*

4.) I have wanted to go to Africa...on a medical mission since I watched my older brother in a musical and he sang a song about preferring to go to Africa over going to high school. *I was 11ish years old* I got that opportunity 2 years ago...again, will NEVER be the same.

5.) I asked my husband to marry me, we were married at the Courthouse with 7 people present. As "unromantic" as all of that is...we are celebrating 15 years of marriage this year! woo-hoo

6.) It is still on my heart to adopt an older child. Maybe when these 5 are gone. :0)

7.) I LOVE to be alone. Like...LOVE it.

Now...passing it on :0)

Post cards from insanity

Jody...she is changing the world!

Gracenotes

My life, our journey

Be strong and courageous

Katie...A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. girl

Candace

later tater...

Some staples in our home...since leaving the NICU are:

Apnea monitor & Oximeterand 3 of theses babies around the house.Well...Saturday night, our biggie boy was wired for sound.

Attached to this...

It's called a pnuemogram.

I personally have been very anxious to perform this test because...well...I thought he was ready.

*I love our Pulmonologist*

The DME company picked this up Monday morning, by Monday afternoon...the Pul. clinic called and said he could come off Oxygen!

*Yee-Haw! Insert happy dance here*

We are continuing with the apnea monitor for a month...just to be sure he doesn't begin to struggle but hey...one VERY big thing down!

I think it's phenomenal that we can do studies like this in our home *wish MY sleep study could be done in the comfort of MY bed ;0)* also...if my Cardiologist could read echo's this quickly...well nuff said!