Thursday, April 25, 2013


January of 2012 I did a post which included the diagnosis we were dealing with in our home...and the side effects that went along with the treatment of is a reminder:


Side effects from medications taken to treat these included:

Mood swings
Loss of appetite
Belly pain
Suicidal thoughts
Slow growth
Behavioral difficulties
Premature puberty
Learning difficulties
Bloody stools
Flat personality affect

Before I go on...some of the diagnosis we are dealing with, won't go away.
However...the symptoms of those issues, have either diminished or are now asymptomatic.

Where we are now:

Allergies ~ GREATLY improved
ADHD ~ manageable

Mood swings
Decrease appetite
Belly pain
Suicidal thoughts
Slow growth
Behavioral difficulties
Premature puberty
Learning difficulties
Bloody stools
Flat personality affect

I would like to add controlled that is a generational family trait on both sides of our manageable. As well as Alopecia...not using any of the recommended "traditional" treatment, using food and natural supplements alone...I have substantial, rapid, regrowth!

None of this amazing stuff happened over night.
I have used targeted herbal supplements from time to time...and we still are to control Grace's Seizures, Jacob's Reactive Airway Disease, and the Anxiety. However...I KNOW that without whole food, we would NOT have seen the results that we have.

I read a post on FB this morning.
A woman in her late 40's who is experiencing all of these aches and pains.
Along with weight gain, fatigue, poor skin, ect.
She has been put on steroids for the "inflammation"....told to stay off of her feet...and eat smaller meals while she awaits the results of blood work. *which will likely show deficits....requiring her to go on medication*
Am I the only person completely exhausted by this process???
I've been a nurse for 18 years and its the same old song...bandaid your symptoms with chemicals.
I'm over it.
I've tasted and I've seen.
I will not go back.
Does it cost more $ to live naturally & sustainable? Yes
Is there a price tag on my families health and well being? Absolutely not.
If our kids aren't well...we aren't working.
If we aren't well...our kids miss out and could lose us early.

I'm not against medical any stretch, but so much so what we struggle with is preventable when we give our bodies what they need nutritionally.

Stepping off of my soap box...

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The Plan

So...the plan is:
To have an "excisional biopsy" aka Lumpectomy.
Typically you "get" to call it an lumpectomy when you actually have cancer.
I do not. mass has all of the physical characteristics of cancer
they will remove the mass...and a margin of breast tissue around it...just in case.
So it qualifies...I get to almost join the "club". *or whatever*

For those who may just google these terms and find this...let me give the details on what this is going to look like.

I will drive 2hrs to a larger city...with more tricks in their bag
I arrive at 9am to the Breast Care Center and will be taken to radiology where they will give me a local *a shot in my right breast*
using ultrasound, they will place a wire into my breast until it reaches the mass.
Once it is placed...I will then drive over to the surgery center.
I will go to pre-op.
I will go into surgery and have merely twilight sedation. *Ahhhhk*
I'm told that I will not be aware and will not remember ANYTHING.
*this had better be the case, as I have a bit of medical trauma*
It should take an an hour and a half.
I will recover...should be quick, hence the twilight.
Then I will be released.
With a little less of my most feminine feature.

~ 3weeks of no lifting over 20# *sorry Jake! this is tough for a momma of a CP kiddo*
~ good support bra, no under-wire  not an over the head type because I won't be able to lift my arm over my be worn 24 hrs a day for 3weeks. *I remember the pain well from my biopsy previously*
~ pain/fatigue for the first few days...emotional toll could be much longer
~ I remember hugging being painful...the normal weight or pull of my breast hurting...and taking a while to get  my arm above my head.

It's good.
It will all be good.
Friends have volunteered to be there for support...their kindness has been overwhelming.
Did I mention that the surgery is Mother's Day weekend? yeah, it is.
Thank you for checking in on me!

Monday, April 1, 2013


have you ever been too tired to think or feel?
that's where I am tonight.
I met with the breast surgeon today.
I have answers...I have a plan.
I will share more later.
I need to turn my brain off.

I'm thankful for my "place" here.

Friday, March 15, 2013

summer, summer, summer time

no, it's defintely NOT summer time here
in fact, bits of snow keep randomly falling.
HOWEVER...I polished my fingernails a stunning blue/green,
grabbed Emma, drove through Arby's to get a new Andes mint choc shake, *YUM*
and turned up Michael Bubl`e REALLY loud and we both felt it...SUMMER.

how i loooooong to feel that warm sun on my face

it's coming...we felt it :)

Friday, March 8, 2013

It's my shower, and I'll cry if I want to

Warning: this may not be the "welcome back" post that you are expecting.
There is much to share on where I have been.
Tonight's just where I am right now.
I had another MRI of my breasts one week ago.
I had this crazy, peaceful feeling that the mass was gone.
My doctor called me herself on Wednesday.
The mass is still there.
unwelcome, uninvited, unwanted, unthwarted, unappealing, simply UN

I spent the rest of that day waiting for relief to settle in.
it didn't.
in fact...two days later, I want it OUT.
I want it magically removed.
no incision
no disfigurment
no recovery
no greiving

I have now sobbed and come completely undone in the shower...twice.
the first time was four years ago this week.
days before my daughter had open heart surgery.
the second was tonight.
it's funny because all alone...behind the locked bathroom door and steam of the water
i still covered my face as the small sobs snuck out.
it struck me even in the moment...I heard that narrative voice in my head and asked myself
"who are you hiding from?"

I need to go to Indianapolis to meet with a surgeon.
I have looked at his number several times since Wednesday.
once I decided to call today...the office was closed. *coincidence...i'm sure*

my head is pounding
eyes are bloodshot
night guard in *as i'm old and apparently clenching my teeth OFTEN*
hair is el natural *we will talk about my alopecia later*
i'm ready to end this day...and begin again tomorrow!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

First Horse Show!

The youngest Baker's are partcipating in their first horse show! *we are so excited* By sponsoring our would be supporting an amazing Therapeutic Riding Program!

Monday, May 21, 2012


588 posts
this blows my mind
i have written over the years...for many reasons
it depended on my season really
i've actually written more than 588
some i've never published and others...i've removed
*who knew blogging could bring such controversy?*
it's amazing to me really...that anyone would have an interest in what i have to say
i'm so incredibly...ordinary
called to live an extraordinary life...just like everyone else :)

i've always hoped that something i write...could be used
i was affirmed in that today
i have the rarity of someone i know in "real" life *first* reading
an acquaintance really...until now :)
she claims to have read the entire blog *oh my goodness girlie!* ;)
she feels close to me and can relate to much of what i have written
i love that!

i recently shared at my church...some of my experiences as a mother
it was humbling...and eye opening
i was completely honest
which included the following:
1. i was pregnant before i got married
2. i didn't love my baby the moment i met him*i didn't know him yet!* ;)
3. my teenagers appear perfect to the outside world...they are not
4. sometimes they hate us because we love them enough to say NO :)
5. i do NOT have all the answers AND i tell my children that*gasp*
i have been very surprised at the reaction i have received
random people have been thanking me for being "honest" and "vulnerable"
i've been taken aback by that a bit
i didn't feel vulnerable
i didn't feel like i was bearing my soul
i have SO wanted to ask them...
"is there something you want to get off of your chest?" ;)
but i mean it
i believe that there is freedom in truth
shame in secrets

we all have something
we just do
and if you truly believe that you don't...
i'm telling will find yourself with "something" you never imagined having to deal with
it's happened to me...over and over again

it's painful sometimes to share your heart and life with others
it doesn't always look the way you hope's totally worth it
i'm willing to listen...if you need to purge :)
no judging
go lighten your load